Wednesday, September 2, 2015

First day of school...

Life has gotten quite busy. Traveling, working, raising a 2 year old, summer, weddings and general life. But sometimes life sneaks up on you when you least expect it. 

Today, most of the kids in the area started school. That means, All of Saoirse's friends started kindergarten. While this is heartbreaking in so many ways to me, I find myself wondering more about what it would have been like to have her here. 

What would she look like?
Would she be going to school with her friends or would we have home schooled her?
Would she have needed to have hearing aids to hear the teacher?
Would she make friends?
Would she have picked out a Frozen backpack?

There are so many questions. Questions that will never have answers. Questions that will never need answers. 

I hope that just maybe, some of the friends that knew her as a baby will remember her as they all make new friends at school. 

Saturday, March 28, 2015

My name is Kezia...

My name is Kezia, and I have cancer.
I have a daughter named Saoirse, and she died of cancer.
I run a foundation for neuroblastoma, a pediatric cancer.
I own a business that makes products for patients with cancer.

My life revolves around the word that most people fear - cancer.

I'm so DONE with cancer.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Long Time Coming

It's been a long time since I've written. It's been a really hard winter for me. Emotionally I just wasn't ready for Christmas, and Lochlan getting to his second one and actually enjoying it. And I wasn't ready for Lochlan to pass the age that Saoirse was when she died.

So, a longer post is coming, but I wanted to post something and thank everyone for all of the support and congratulations on our win at Impact Pediatric Health at SXSW. We are super excited for what this means for CareAline, and we are looking forward to making our sleeves and wraps standard care at hospitals. If you are finding this page through a link from an article, click here to find out more info about CareAline and what we do.

I also want to thank everyone who supported our road trip down to Austin from Boston over on indiegogo! We are still raising funds for our future trips, so please share our campaign with your friends and family and keep checking in to see where we have gone! I will be updating it this week with images from this past trip, and some links to all the news articles that have been published since our amazing wins!

I am feeling well. Still doing my alternative therapies, and tweaking them slightly, and feeling really good. My testing is showing some progression, but I'm looking into some different options to try and turn things around more quickly. I feel really wonderful though, and don't feel sick, so I am going to continue to listen to my body and try and work on focusing on myself and my health for the next couple months at least. Thank you to everyone who has been sending healing thoughts and positive vibes. It has definitely helped!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

quick update....

I haven't written in a while because we have just been too too busy. However, just a quick update (as I know some people think that things are bad when I don't write)...

Latest blood work came back improved! My white cell count had been hovering between 17 and 18 thousand (so super high! which is an effect the Hodgkin's has) and the last blood work showed it down to just above 15 thousand. Also, all the nodes in my neck - including the one that was the largest and the most annoying - have SHRUNK! My oncologist was thrilled when she did my exam, and made sure that I got my blood work results right away. I think every time I walk in there she is surprised and thrilled. I know she has her skepticism, but she definitely is glad that I'm doing well. 

So - status is no longer stable - status is IMPROVEMENT! LOVE THIS! 

I'll update more later - Tong Ren, Tui Na, Homeopathy, etc... all good things :)

Monday, July 14, 2014


On July 11th, I turned thirty. Yup, the big 3-0. Of my close group of friends I'm the last one to hit this big milestone. It kind of snuck up on me. Since our lives became so chaotic with diagnoses, treatments, grief, birth and relapse, birthdays seem to slip down the totem poll of priorities. Plus, Lochlan's first birthday is coming up and that seems way more interesting than my 30th. 

But, being that I have amazing friends whom I've known since elementary and middle school, they took me out and we had a blast! We went bowling - an activity where the worse you are, the more fun you have as it is increasingly evident that you are never going to become a professional bowler, or even manage to get a score past the double digits. We laughed 'til we cried, and stayed out way past my bedtime, and never once questioned each other about where we were "headed" in life. 

Birthdays seem to give you a realization that you are actually older than you were the day before - even if you don't feel like it. I realized that in just 30 years I have experienced things that many people don't see until they are 60 or 70, if at all, in their life. Sure, I have a lot of friends my age who have gotten married, bought a house and had a couple kids. That's pretty par for the course. But it's this damn cancer thing that's pushed me beyond the typical and forced me to face the reality of life and how short it is before most people my age even think about death as a tangible possibility. 

While I'm very sure that the world is going to be stuck with me for quite some time yet (let's face it - I'm too stubborn to let cancer have it's way), loosing a child is something that I'm sure has shaved a few years off the endpoint of my life. The basic stress that it puts on someone mentally just can't be measured. (Well, I'm sure some neuroscientist out there has some theory...) But I think even more than that, it is alienating. Not to everyone, and not completely, but you become an enigma in most circumstances that leaves you wanting for the "normal" encounters that you used to have with the rest of the world. (Enter the AWESOME world of Camp Sunshine! where I'm pretty sure we all wish we could live full time as a commune of like minded "crazies.") Life's little "problems" become petty, and tolerance for ignorance, stupidity, and bullshit becomes pretty much nil. You suddenly become "enlightened" to the fact that the phrase "life sucks, and then you die" is pretty much spot on, and you might as well do things that mater and leave the rest alone. 

So.... At the ripe old age of 30, I have done some things I had always wanted to, some that I never wanted to, and some that I never dreamed I'd do. I've faced challenges while laughing, cried tears while escaping, and managed to get out of bed every day. And while life is far from perfect, and - let's face it - often far from fair, if I'm going to be kicking around for another 30+ years, I better do some things that are pretty amazing while I'm here. 

Friday, June 27, 2014

Trying to make a difference

Aside from starting a non profit foundation, I help Mike with our business, CareAline Products. We see every day how our products, that we designed for Saoirse, help kids and adults around the world live more comfortably with PICC and central lines. We never realized that our little idea would be such and important improvement in the lives of all kinds of patients. We also never realized how hard it is to get a medical product - especially a new idea in the world of medicine - off the ground and into the hands of hospitals. While we have made major headway, and overcome a lot of hurdles, there are still many that we have yet to get over, and I'm sure even some that we haven't encountered! 

Here are two ways that you can help us and help lots of patients all at the same time! 

1) Our Indiegogo Campaign!
We are raising funds to help us overcome some of our current road blocks. We have started a campaign on Indiegogo and you can help us by sharing it with your friends and family and on social media like Facebook and Twitter. Also, please watch the video on our page and consider making a contribution, even if it's "just" $1. (if everyone who saw our campaign donated a dollar, we could help so many people!) 

Just share this link : 

Thank you for sharing and for all your support! 

2) What is up with medical billing?!?
If you know a lot about medical billing and how codes get reimbursed by hospitals and/or home medical supply companies, we need your help! We are trying to navigate the world of medical billing codes to find ones that will allow hospitals, home care facilities, and PATIENTS get reimbursed so that they don't have to pay out of pocket (mostly if hospitals can bill it out to patients' insurance, they will have them in the hospital so the patients don't have to find them on their own!). If you know billing codes, please consider helping us find the right way to get our products covered by insurance. Contact us at and we can tell you where we stand so far. 


Monday, June 16, 2014

Off Track....

We have been traveling for the past month. It was a mix of work and pleasure, and a lot of visiting family. (I'll share more about the trip in a few posts over the next week.)

 It was a good trip, but since we have returned, I have been feeling off track. I just feel like we had just started to get a rhythm going before we left, and then the trip threw it all off. Focusing has been hard - with all the laundry to do, things to put away, and exhaustion that comes with being on the road for so long. I think I just need to start in and try and get back into the routine and rhythm and try and get back to "normal" (whatever that is).

I think some of the problem is that I am not seeing as much progress as I would like with my treatment. While things seem to be pretty much stable, I don't feel like there is any improvement in the size of the lymph nodes in my neck. I was hoping that after 2 months on treatment there would at least be some sign that they were starting to go down, and while the other symptoms seem to be stabilized and I do feel more like myself, I'm just disappointed that things are going slowly.

I have a appointment with Dr. Ramakrishnan this week, and oncology appointment next week, and I'll be making sure to get in to do my Tong Ren, and add in some Tui Na. I'm also researching hydrogen peroxide therapy to see if it is something I want to add to my plan and try and kick start my healing a little bit.

More to come on the trip soon, but here is a little sneak peek at some photos....